


Time Nuts

by Evilawyer



Category: Animaniacs, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-18
Updated: 2009-09-18
Packaged: 2017-11-15 20:38:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/531438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilawyer/pseuds/Evilawyer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor meets his match.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time Nuts

“What's that noise, Aunt Slappy?” Skippy's body flapped parallel to the ground as he held on to the arm of his aunt's overstuffed chair in a mostly successful attempt to avoid being blown across the living room of his aunt's tree.

Slappy took a swig of her diet cola, then belched impressively. “It's probably Doug the Dog trying to chop our tree down. I bet you didn't know that if you swing an ax fast enough, it makes a whooshing sound. And provides an excellent source of ventilation on a hot summer day without the need for electricity.” She looked directly at the camera. “I'm green now. So shoot me. It pays the bills.”

The whooshing sound stopped simultaneously with the appearance of a blue box emblazoned with the words “Police Box” atop its door right in front of Slappy's TV. A tall, thin, blue-suited man bounded out of a door. “Hello. I'm the Doctor.”

Skippy bounced in greeting. “Doctor Who?”

“Just the Doctor."

Skippy tilted his head and squinted his eyes slightly. It was extremely cute. “That's a weird name. Kinda long, too, but okay. What's that blue box behind you, Just the Doctor?”

“No, that isn't... Just call me Doctor.”

“Doctor's a title, not a name,” Skippy scoffed in the annoying manner of youngsters who are trying to be trying and succeeding beyond their wildest dreams. “You gotta have a name after a title. Like 'Doctor Scratch-n-Sniff or...”

“Aaah, never mind that,” Slappy grumped. “What kind of doctor?”

“Well, doctor of everything,” the Doctor answered rather too proudly for Slappy's taste. “I suppose it depends a bit on exactly what's needed. I know all sorts of things, and I'm an expert at all of them. I can fix a nuclear power plant when the core goes critical. I can stop rampant infestations of marauding murderous plant life. I can harness mental energy to make myself get all glowy and float around.”

“Aaah, Tinkerbell could do that,” Slappy interjected. “And so could that prissy Mary Poppins. Never could stand either of them. They didn't understand comedy. And that Poppins with the live action stuff...”

“Actually, I can do anything,” the Doctor continued as though there had been no interruption. “But I don't like to brag. It's nothing, really.”

Slappy gave a disgusted double-take to the camera, then turned back to this strange new character. “As long as you didn't get your medical degree through mail order, there's no nothing about it. What kept ya? My lumbago's been acting up.”

“Ah, well. I'm not really that kind of doctor.”

Slappy tilted her hat to a bellicose angle. She picked up her umbrella and wielded it at the Doctor like she meant business. “You just said you can do anything, mister.”

“Well, I can. It's just that you're a bit intimidating. It makes me nervous.”

“What're ya, sissy?”

“Sissy?!” The Doctor was furious. He turned to Skippy. “An ancient gray squirrel just called me sissy!” Turning back to Slappy, he put on his most affronted face. “Why, I never...”

“Well, ya should,” Slappy interrupted as she scooted over and elbowed the Doctor in his lower ribs. “It's fun.” She quickly reached over to cover Skippy's ears. “I forgot. This is a family show. This isn't England. We can't get away with sexual innuendo on shows that kids watch.”

Skippy's enthusiasm for expanding his vocabulary picked that moment to go into overdrive. “What's sexual innuendo, Aunt Slappy? Is it like when two people are having a telephone conversation and they start saying things to each other like 'It's good, isn't it' and 'Whoa! You're brilliant, you are'? Is it like when...”

“I'm gonna have a talk with your mother about that garbage she's been letting you watch on cable,” Slappy said as she covered Skippy's mouth with her hand. “Sorry about that,” she said to the Doctor. “I had no idea he's been exposed to stuff like that.”

The Doctor looked puzzled. “That's sexual innuendo? Having telephone conversations like that?”

“On any planet that hasn't been burned out of existence, yeah,” Slappy answered. Ignoring the Doctor's wibbling lower lip and big eyes brimming with tears ---- it never worked for Skippy when he was trying to weasel his way out of something; no way was she gonna fall for it from this Doctor person --- she got down to business. “Now, do you take Blue Cross or Blue Shield?”

“Well, I did study medicine but I don't practice it.”

“I don't want you to practice on me. I want you to know what you're doin'. So, do you know how to fix my aching back or not?”

“Of course I do,” the Doctor , now completely miffed, said.

“Good. Then let's get to it. We'll figure out the insurance thing later. I understand there's big changes coming for that kind of thing any day now, anyway.”

“Normally, I wouldn't take any payment for helping anyone,” the Doctor sniffed, “but you've been so lovely I think I'll make an exception in your case.”

“Watch it, Sarcasm Boy,” Slappy growled. “Snide doesn't suit you. And neither does that suit. Too tight. Can't fit any dynamite down your pants. Anyway, I'll pay what's fair. But I gotta warn ya. I refuse to pay extra for house calls.”


End file.
